Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Really? You're Gonna Use That Pickup Line?

Wow, this is the first post in all of February I haven't scheduled ahead of time. So this story just happened, I had an open space on the blog and simply had to share with you.

PS: This has nothing to do with anything, just a random story. :)

I thought I'd give the men a little heads up here on HOW NOT TO HIT ON A WOMAN.

Scene: Grocery store, frozen section.

I wanted to be quick with this little shopping trip. Hubs told me I owed him ice cream because I ate the skin off his chicken. (mwhahaha!) So there I was, bookin' it back to the ice cream and of course someone is standing right in front of the hubs' flavor of choice.

I didn't want to be the girl who taps her foot while she waits for this guy to move, so I wandered in the nearby aisles, trying not to look creepy. I kept popping my head out, but he was still there, like this was a choice between life or death! Seriously move! I want my ice cream!

So I made my way to the freezer next to him, trying to make it look like I was interested in those choices, when in reality I was ready to grab something and shove it in his cart and tell him to move along. (Did I mention I'm not a very patient person?)

But of course I kept this all internal, so when he smiled at my idiotic staring, I smiled back.

Then he said this:

"Trying to get those jeans to fit?"

Little background... I have two pair of jeans. One of them fits like a glove and the other... ya, fat person jeans. Three sizes way too big. Sags in the butt. I would say they make me look like a thug, but they really don't. They just make me look like I'm wearing jeans that don't fit. Because they don't.

(I know Mom, you told me not to wear them anymore, but the glove jeans are in the wash.)

Just in case you forgot, this is what he said to me:

"Trying to get those jeans to fit?"

First reaction: Jerk Off! Is he calling me fat? Or is he saying that buying ice cream will make me fat? What in the name of all that is freakin' holy?

What I said: "Excuse me?"

"I was just saying, you're too thin to be wearing those pants. At least I think so."

Second reaction: Is he checking me out? Or back-pedaling? Either way... One, I'm married. Two, even if I wasn't, no way should I encourage that awful pick-up line.

So I just nodded, leaned around him and grabbed the ice cream I wanted. Screw being nice.

Apparently this was not the thing to do.

"So, what's your name?"

Ew. "I don't really know you."

"Just wanted to get to know you, that's all." He does that half-smile thing.

This is the part when I scratch my face with my left hand in an obvious attempt to show him I'm married.

He doesn't get it, or he doesn't care cuz he totally moves in. Like he's ready to snatch the ice cream out of my hands.

I dismiss myself with a 'gotta go' to which he offers to walk me to my car.

Heck no!

"My husband's waiting for me."

The hubs was actually at home, but ya, guy totally wasn't getting it.

He got it now.

"Okay. Have fun filling your baggy jeans."

Douche.

Moral of this story? If you are going to hit on a girl buying ice cream, NEVER point out she's buying something that's going to make her fat. Also, never tell her she looks like crap in her clothes. Hello, that should be obvious. And please look at the left hand before you make any attempts to woo.

I thought I understood men, but apparently, they still manage to surprise me. Or maybe he wasn't hitting on me at all, and I let myself create the disgusting ego boost.

And for all my male readers, I'd love an opinion. Was I the beast here? Cuz I can see that happening. I was rude too I guess. And I kind-of feel bad, and yet, justified at the same time.

Also, because I'm a Harry Potter fan, and I googled bad pick-up lines, I had to post this.


45 comments:

  1. LOL. You crack me up. I can just see you there :) I got hit on by this creepy guy who left a post-it note on my car window, saying he'd seen me leaving and wanted me to know how he felt about me. He then found me in the shop and asked if I got his note! AH!! physcho killer!

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  2. Sounds like a very bad case of oral-podiatric surgery.

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  3. Oh you sooooo knew I would have to jump in with a comment and of course, I am here to defend our Charlene, she of the clean baggy jeans :)

    Dude-ette, you did nothing wrong - as you know - but, oh boy (excuse the pun ) I wonder if he went back to his mom and asked Mrs. Bates if she wants a shower...

    ugg.. they were some of the worst/creepy lines evah :(

    Tell hubs he looks fat.. so you won't have to buy ice-cream next time :)

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  4. Wow, I've heard some gems in my time, but that is right up there with the worst of them!

    And I LOVE Harry Potter pick up lines LOL!

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  5. I bet it sounded so good in his head - really clever and witty :-)

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  6. Men and their tongues...spouting nonsense most of the time...shoved her shoved all the tubs into his cart and left...the graphic below was so cool. Popping over from one of the blogette's post u commented on.

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  7. LOL.. what a weirdo. I think that's really creepy.

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  8. Research has demonstrated that a wedding ring can actually make people seem more attractive, because it's validation that someone else found them attractive enough to commit to for life! I know that sounds odd, but that's why wedding rings sometimes have the opposite of the intended effect.

    That said, it does sound like a creepy experience. Also, an awkward one. I hope your hubby appreciated what you went through to get him his ice cream!

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  9. ^Some people also see it as a "challenge", and there are people now who wear "fake" wedding rings to avoid getting hit on and the creepers are catching on. But a creeper is a creeper is a creeper and honestly, being married or not wouldn't have any bearing on his reaction probably.

    TWI NSFW TOTALLY GROSS TIME: I once had a guy in college tell me that he thought I "looked like a good place to sow some seeds". Let's deconstruct this hot mess of misogyny. 1) I am not your sperm receptacle, and it's not a good idea to treat women as such. 2) I'm pretty sure he thought anyone with a womb looked like a good place. 3) I was hitting about a 6.0 on the kinsey scale in those days and this guy knew it, so there was that extra layer of homophobia as he tried to "convert" me with his dick. Weeeee!

    And guuuurl, be as rude as you damn well please. You don't owe thsoe kinds of people any niceties, and anybody tells you you are being "rude" needs to look up "tone argument" and get a clue.

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  10. LOL! That's so funny. You weren't rude - right on! I had someone ask me out for a coffee and I told him I'd check with my husband if that date works but our schedule is pretty busy. The dude was married too and he knew I was! The nerve!

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  11. Well, sounds like he thought YOU were checking him out first and was trying to be snide and yet take advantage at the same time. Possibly the 'I'm too good for you but I'll bite anyway' syndrome-- WHICH IS TOTES NOT TRUE. You should've asked him to move and then kicked him in the shin if he didn't, LOL.

    Oh, and I love the little cartoon at the end! Hilarious!

    Why am I posting on your blog when I should be leaving for the airport? I must be getting addicted to your personality, Cassie. ;)

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  12. Oh gosh, this is frickin' hilarious! Gosh i would have been all read in the face and would have mumbled as I tried to figure out what the heck was going on!!

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  13. Long time ago while I was still college age and college weight, I was digging a twelve pack of diet coke out of a stack or regulars as my date stood by and watched. Some random guy stepped up and helped, looked at my date, then back at me and said, "If I had a girl like you, I'd help."

    My date said, "I figured if the chick wants diet coke, she wants the exercise too."

    Cheesy pick up line...fail
    Funny come back...win...I married that guy four years later.

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  14. If a strange guy says he wants to get to know you in a store, you're not imagining it. I really hope these weren't lines he'd rehearsed!

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  15. I think Annalisa is right. That went a whole different way in his head.
    I once got hit on when I was seven months pregnant. His friend finally had to tell him to stop or he was going to get punched. He was right, and not by my husband. I was ready to slug the guy myself.

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  16. First, those HP pick up lines are awesome. And second, if you see a younger woman by herself in the ice cream aisle, I'd assume she's PMS-ing and stay the hell away. Also, why pick up someone in the grocery store? Grocery stores are for dates, not pickups.

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  17. You kill me!!! Poor bungling ice cream guy. He may never recover :)

    And after I laughed my butt off at the HP lines, they kind of left me feeling dirty and creeped out :)

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  18. Ah-hahahahaha!!!!! Cassie, YOU JUST MADE MY MORNING!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY DYING!!!!!!!

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  19. I don't reckon he had any intention of buying ice-cream - he was just hanging around there so he could try out his line! He probably hangs round the doughnuts on other days!

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  20. He asked to walk you to your car. He was TOTALLY hitting on you. LOL. And he's creepy.

    HP pick-up up lines TOO funny.

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  21. The dude didn't have a clue! He was probably looking for freezer bags in the wrong spot also! :)

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  22. I feel like I need to apologize on behalf of all men.

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  23. Creepy!

    Love the harry pottery lines, especially Hermiones. Wishing my oldest was old enough to share that one with!

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  24. Seriously dude, that was a bad line! The Harry Potter lines were way better ;)

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  25. LOL! Oh my gosh, I am rolling! Some people are such idiots! LMAO.

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  26. Oh my gosh, that guy was a totally douche! That is horrible, you should have sent your husband back to beat that guy up. I had a guy at a laundry mat hit on me once. He apparently taught a self-defense class and asked me if I wanted to work with him on hitting his hanging balls. Seriously? Men. Gross.

    But those Harry Potter pick up lines are hilarious! :)

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  27. um, I once had a girl cry and tell me we could not go steady any more and how sorry she was for hurting my feelings and on an on.
    We were on our Third date over Three months (one a month) I thought we were just friends...
    Not knowing what to say and not wanting to hurt her feelings, I just agreed and let it go.
    I'm a man
    I can change
    If I have to
    I Guess

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  28. Ew. Just ... ew.

    Ya know, I've never had anyone toss a pick-up line at me. No matter if I'm wearing my ring or not.
    But then, the five-year-old at my side probably works better than a ring of metal. ^_^

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  29. LOL Bahahaha!!! This is sooo funny! I can't believe he made reference to your pants being too big! Hello? So not a good pickup line.

    My favorite pickup line is, "If I said you had a nice body would you hold it against me?" Lol. Never used it or had it used on me, but I still think it's pretty catchy. ;)

    I had a guy hit on me in the grocery store once. I was in high school and he was in college--totally intimidated me. He called a bunch of times but I always made up excuses why I couldn't go hang out with him. Wussy, I know. :)

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  30. What happened when I read your post
    1st- mouth drops
    2nd- I laugh
    3rd- thought: I wish someone would hit on me
    4th- thought: But not him
    5th- laugh again
    6th- and again

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  31. I usually counter with, "Really? That's your line?" Followed by an intense stare down. Then again, I'm kind of sadistic and like to watch guys squirm... *grins*

    LOVED your story! :D

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  32. McGonagall is brilliant in that comic! But yeah, I probably would have acted in a similar way in that situation. Except I'd have to make up a boy friend. But that doesn't always work. I got hit on once with the line 'Nice legs, are you married?', I responded with 'will be next month' and then he said 'we still have time then'. *rolls eyes* Oh boys. Sometimes you have to be rude/tactless to get a point across.

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  33. No, you were not out of line.
    I never found a pick up line that worked except for "Hi." And that only worked on my wife.

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  34. Confirmation....I do live under a rock.....I can't believe people actually try out these lines....now in the good old days.....

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  35. Nothing like strangers commenting on one's eating habits/body, is there? Least you got a very amusing post out of the encounter!

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  36. I think you were fine. I don't know how old he was so maybe he just wasn't housebroken yet.I do find it amusing that women find wedding rings prohibitive on themselves - as in they mean stay away. But, all I need to attract attention in a hotel lobby or at a conference is a wedding ring on my finger while sitting alone. Women love hitting on married men for some reason. Not sure why. But am not complaining either - since I'm not married. I just wear the ring on those occasions because it is like a beacon to a certain kind of woman.

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  37. First of all, I was ROARING with laughter throughout this entire story. I hate chicken but I always eat the skin off my husband's chicken! Although that ice cream would never make it home to him. LOL. I have the glove/misfit jeans problem too. Finally, I think this dude was a serial rapist and/or murderer and think you were totally right to book it the hell out of there. Clearly he was socially inept and I think it's downright scary that after all that he wanted to walk you to your car!

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  38. I had an experience with this creepy guy who offered to comb my hair. It was like he wanted to chop it off and keep it for himself. Freaky!! And I was out buying lunch.

    Awesome (sarcasm of course)!

    About that guy *cough* I mean douche. You did the right thing. I would've been meaner and it's obvious that last line was a dash in your face because you didn't accept him. I mean (valley girl impression)...As if!! Also I wouldn't be surprised if he noticed the ring. He seems like the ass who'd try to get into the pants of a married woman...intentionally. Good for you for standing up to yourself. I bet your husband would agree if you told him (and he'd probably come along next time to find the guy).

    Loved the Harry Potter bad pick up lines. They are bad but I have to confess that if Fred & George asked me into a threesome while I'd say no to their face...yeah I'd blush like hell in private. I can't hep it I love those two in the books.

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  39. Bahahahaha!!!!!!! Okay, okay, *phew* Bahahahaha!!!!!!!

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  40. Jade: Oh my gosh, creepy! Though, my hubby used to do that to me. At least I knew him, right?

    Weissdorn: LOL!!!

    Mark: "She of the baggy clean pants" Hehe! I love it! And I did tell the hubs. He just told me if my snug pants are dirty, it's better to just go in my underwear.

    Ya, like that'll be better.

    Kyra: Right? You'll have to share some of these awful lines.

    Annalisa: Haha, ya I bet it did. BACKFIRE!

    Rek: Nice to meet you! I guess I can't be too harsh. My tongue spouts off nonsense all the time.

    Cristina: Way creepy!

    Sarah: Um, off with the wedding ring then! Haha!

    Hildred: Really? People wear fake wedding rings? Insane.

    And totally gross college man! Sow his seeds? Was he a polygamous? I've gotten the "You have child-bearing hips" before.

    Marta: Oh my gosh, that's a line I need to use too. But then I'd be afraid for the "Ya, he's totally invited." Haha!

    Jasmine: Maybe my attention to the icecream he stood in front of was considered flirting, lol.

    And addicted to my personality? You're in trouble!

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  41. Kelley: I was probably bright red! But I don't think I've mumbled once in my life. Too big of a mouth. :)

    Vic: LOL!!!

    Elizabeth: Priceless! I would've married him too!

    Sarah: Oh man, could you imagine? Maybe he was waiting for someone who wore baggy jeans just so he could use it, lol.

    Rachel: I almost socked a guy in the face when he told me I should work at the strip club down the street. I was 16!!! Yikes!

    Joshua: First, oh heck ya! Second, agreed! That's usually the case. Third, grocery store dates are sometimes the best ones. :)

    Angie: Hehe, they did that to me too. But I'm too immature to be creeped out by them, lol.

    Morgan: *bows* No, I'm kidding. Lol.

    Linda: Yes! I will go and report creepy donut man! Lol.

    Jenny: Ack! I really don't like being hit on. Unless it was like Ryan Reynolds or something. Haha!

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  42. DL: Haha! Where are those things anyway?

    JeffO: Thank you. Much appreciated! Lol.

    Johanna: Lol, my oldest is four, so even if I did share, he wouldn't get it.

    Hope: Haha, if someone said one of them Harry Potter lines to me, I think I'd go a step farther and kick them in the balls.

    Leigh: Idiot people, lol. Maybe someone put him up to it.

    Krista: The hubs wanted to go beat him up, but he was too busy laughing.

    And OH MY GOSH! I would have burst out in a fit of giggles if someone said that to me!

    ITTL: Aw, that was nice of you. It's totally better than sayin, "Were we going out?" Lol.

    Aldrea: Oh! Bring a kid! That's the key!

    Cortney: Haha, I'm using that line.

    And poor grocery store guy. He just wanted to hang out, lol. :)

    Suzi: No, definitely not fat pants man. haha!

    Carrie: I wish I had the guts to do that, lol.

    Gwen: Oh my gosh. "We still have time..." *shakes head*

    Alex: Hi worked for the hubs too. Then he said, "Are you talking to yourself?"

    Yes, yes I was.

    Jeff: I must live under a rock too. I'd never thought someone would say that to me, lol.

    Hayley: So true. It's like when strangers try to tell you how to raise your kids.

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  43. Afghan: Haha, you've found a weakness! Women are just as bad as men!

    Lisa: Thank you for mentioning the chicken. Lol. I kept thinking all these people thought that was normal behavior since it wasn't brought up yet, lol.

    Vicki: Thanks! Though really, I just shared cuz I had nothing else to post, haha!

    QueendSheena: Whoa! Comb your hair? Haha!!

    And that's so funny about Fred and George. I'm more of a Neville fan. :)

    Jack: LOL!

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Um...big fan, BIG FAN of comments!

 

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