Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I'm a Freakin' Hypocrite

Know why???

Well, here's the thing, I told myself when I first started querying, if I only got one request... just ONE, I'd be happy and satisfied with what I'm doing as a writer. That one request would be all it would take to make me believe in myself.

Holy crap, what a load of poo.

I queried two books with nothing but rejections. When I heard people complaining about how their FULL was rejected, or how they've gotten a few partial requests, but nothing came of it, I wanted to smack them through the computer. Because, ya, they've gotten one, and I hadn't.

Since I have split personalities anyway, let's just make this scenario between Form Cassie and Request Cassie:

Form Cassie says to this post she sees about someone who's gotten a request, and still freaking out about everything:

What the heck is wrong with you? At least you've gotten a request. I've sent out 25 queries and got nothing but forms. And you know what they keep telling me? That I'm doing something wrong. Something! What is the something???

At least you know you don't suck.

Request Cassie says this:

Oh gosh, is this what I'm in for? Waiting for months for a form reject on my FULL? Yikes! And you're saying the agent may not even make it all the way through the full? Why did I send it then? Why did they want it?

Crap, should I read through my book again to make sure it's up to par?

Scenario: Email from an agent

Form Cassie: Here we go. Do I even want to click on it? I know what it's gonna say. Dear Author, blah blah blah. But what if it doesn't? What if it finally says, Lemmie See! And oh my gosh, I'll finally be able to number myself among all those people who get requests! And I'll be happy from here on out!

Ahem...

Request Cassie says: Yikes, that was really fast. I just sent them the book like three days ago. That means they must hate it. Well, the reject was what I was expecting anyway. May as well see...

Oh, they are just letting me know they got it. That was nice of them. But they say it's gonna take at least 6 weeks. I guess that's not long.

But it kinda is. What the heck do I do for 6 weeks while I wait?

Scenario: Someone I know gets a request.

Form Cassie: Yay! But, what are they doing that I'm not?

Request Cassie: Yay! I sure hope they are prepared to wait forever and a day. Oh, and go absolutely nuts.

I guess my point is, I'm pretty disappointed in my Request Cassie self. I promised that one request would be enough to make me believe in myself. But here I am, waiting around for what I'm pretty sure will be a rejection.

Why do I feel this way? Well, I don't want to set myself up. Get excited and jittery over something that may not happen.

Gosh, insecure days really makes the word vomit spew. Do I need to get anyone a napkin?

41 comments:

  1. Oh hunny I feel exactly the same way. I still don't believe my request from dream agent was because she wanted to read my book. But because she felt guilty for losing my other MS! Why can't we ever believe in ourselves? No matter how many times lovely people tell us we don't suck, why do we still think we do? It's like the question the chicken and the egg... there is no answer! lol

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  2. Waiting is so hard! At least you have request Cassie for a small bit of hope :) It'll happen soon. Just have to be patient... easier said than done, right?

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  3. You sound completely normal to me. My advice is to only tell yourself what you'd tell a friend: you would never say 'You're bound to be rejected', would you? You'd be positive, and give great advice, and be on hand with chocolate IF it's needed.

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  4. *huggles* I haven't got to this point yet, but I know I will be exactly the same way. :(

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  5. Carol...forget the waiting and just keep writing....you is talented, gurl...and you will succeed ...promise:)

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  6. This is a great post.

    When I queried my first novel, I honestly meant it when I said one request would make me happy. I knew my writing skills were rusty and it probably showed in the book. So when I got a full request after TONS of rejections, I thought I might die of happiness.

    That full request turned into a form rejection, and then 2 partial requests on the same novel also received form rejections. And then I started to get mad, because obviously the concept had interested them enough to ask for material, but there was something about it preventing them from offering rep and how was I supposed to fix it if I didn't know what it was?? (BTW if you have a chance, check out my post today, because the 4th request/rejection on that project had a somewhat happy ending.

    But I'm with you - my 2nd novel is 10 Form R's deep, and again, I just wish I knew what the problem was. And I also wish that people who ARE getting requests on their novels would not whine!

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  7. I don't see anything hypocritical about the way you feel.

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  8. I agree with Annalisa, I think it's a great idea to treat yourself like you would a friend. I am a hypocrite myself though as I would never talk to a friend the way I talk to myself all the time!

    I haven't gotten to the point of sending out queries yet but I can imagine I will feel just like you when I do. Hang in there!

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  9. What you're going through is normal. It shows you care. I know it's difficult to be patient but perhaps loosing yourself in another writing project or a good book you've been dying to read would help. Hang in there!

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  10. For me, it's all superstition. Like I say; 'I'll be happy if...' hoping not to jinx anything. BUT, I really mean; 'I ain't gonna be happy until I'm holding that shiny new book, hot of the presses in my hot little hands.'

    Nuff said.

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  11. I feel like I wrote this post. In other words you are not alone. I queried the crap out of my first four manuscripts and even when I eventually got a partial or full request I immediately went on the negative. They are going to hate it. Oh this agent requested my full awesome, but she requests more fulls than other agents so that doesn't say much. Always negative. So now I'm querying my 5th MS with the 6th waiting its turn and now I'm at the point of, if it happens it happens. And when and if it does it will be my time. I just have to wait. I'm sick of stressing over it. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to obsessively check my email. Baby steps ;) The best thing to do while you wait is to write some more. Be productive on your insecure days so you don't drive yourself crazy :)

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  12. Cassie--I loved this! I'm working on revisions of my first WIP (after querying the first time didn't work out so well) and out of the blue received a request from an agent I was sure had rejected it b/c it had been three months and I'd heard nothing. I thought that would be enough to validate me--as you say--but I find every time I hit a new milestone, I find myself wanting that next one even more . . .

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  13. I think the real key is to disengage yourself from the approval of agents. Not that that's an easy thing to do. I don't mean don't seek an agent if that's what you want to do, but find other ways to get the approval you want/need. Don't depend on agents for it.

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  14. You're not a hypocrite. Think of it this way. You reached a big goal. That's awesome. Now you are heading toward the next goal. Nothing wrong with that. :) Good luck!

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  15. This sounds way too familiar. My goal with my first MS was to get a few partial requests. And now that several fulls and partials are out there, waiting to be heard back about, I'm in Frustrationville. Freakin' hypocrite is right. Sigh. We writers are so insecure. :P

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  16. You've had more requests than me. So quit yer bitchin'! :o)

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  17. Human nature, Cassie! I told myself if I had one story accepted and published I'd have achieved my ambition. What a load of ****! After one, I changed it to three. After three I changed it to six... and so it goes on. We are hungry for the reward that we've spent all those hours writing for - why shouldn't we be? Just keep plugging away and tell the impatient side of you that it'll be worth the wait. Well, you can try...

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  18. You're so normal, Cassie Mae! I turn into a monster when I'm querying. I once waited 6 months to hear back from a full request. It was madness, I tell you!

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  19. Honey, You need to believe in yourself! I believe in you! Don't ever quit or think you're not good enough. You are fantastic! Live it up!

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  20. Oh geez. Are we paddling the same boat? haha

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  21. I have very little to offer except a cyber hug *hug* and to tell you that I love you, just the way you are. Querying, ain't it the pits?

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  22. I have very little to offer except a cyber hug *hug* and to tell you that I love you, just the way you are. Querying, ain't it the pits?

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  23. Hang in there, Cassie! We've all been there, but we're definitely rooting for you! Here's a little post I did a while back--hope it makes you feel a little better :) http://naomicanale.blogspot.com/search/label/NEVER%20SURRENDER

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  24. Yes, I agree with Matt. *winks* You gotta shut out the emotional ties to the whole query process and focus on the writing. I know, I know, nearly IMPOSSIBLE to do, but for your sanity, YOU MUST! (So when I start querying again this spring, will you give me the same advice???) <3 ya girl.

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  25. I wish I could give you some great advise that would help, but I'm not even there yet. Just keep the faith in yourself. Good luck.

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  26. You write some pretty awesome stuff, too.... just steer away from the spicy baby food :)

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  27. I hear it's even more disappointing when they request the full rather than form rejection..because when they have the full your hopes are up more.

    But anyway...it's more about if they think they can sell it. That's the main thing.

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  28. get outta my head =)

    it'll happen, i keep saying that but wonder if i believe myself...

    someday!

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  29. ugh, that sucks. No requests at all? Man that would suck hard. Has your query been vetted by tons of people? I always suggest taking another look at it if you're not getting any bites.
    But yes, i am a good example of a person who's gotten a lot of requests that then go nowhere. That was a tough lesson to learn.
    Also, after that i learned that querying (and racking up those Rs) gets a lot easier for me if i'm working on another manuscript.
    Ah well. ONWARDS!

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  30. Cassie, I am in querying hell right with you. I've decided that all of it, every minute of it, every LAST SECOND of it, is terrible. Whether you're getting 2,000 requests or form rejections to a query. ALL OF IT IS TERRIBLE. Okay. Now I'll take my cranky pants off and say: Good luck. My fingers are crossed for you. For both of us.

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  31. I'm in Query Hell, too. Don't forget: The burnt marshmallows are the yummiest! :)

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  32. It's a numbers game and all in the timing. Like playing the slot machine - the more quarters you put in, the more likely you will eventually win.
    Don't give up!

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  33. This is too too funny and I can so see myself feeling this way!!

    To throw my two cents in, I want to say, "Hey at least you have a finished manuscript that you can query!!!!" But that would be my jealous writing self that likes to suck up all my energy.

    But good for you! It is something!!! You never know what can become of it!!

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  34. The secret to navigating Query Hell? *whispers* write.
    No really. WRITE.
    Find Writer Cassie and fall in love with your next WIP. Bc if your MS crashes and burns, your WIP may be the ticket.

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  35. Last year I sent out well over 100 queries and received 2 full requests. Both came back as rejections. For me, last year was pretty grim. But as Alex J. Cavanaugh said, it's all a numbers game. Eventually an agent will pick up the manuscript and call it their own. It's just a matter of persistence and getting back up after a knockdown.

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  36. Hey, this is just the next natural step. You get a request, you want them to like it, to read it, all the way through. Even if you get a rejection, you want to know someone actually read it. So don't beat yourself up. You have ambition, drive. You'll need it to get through the process. But having said all that, I've seen the requests you received through Cupid's contest alone. That is so freakin' awesome. They all seemed so excited. I'm thrilled for you. But yeah, most of the time, it will take a month or two. Heck, I just waited 6 months for a rejection while another editor read my full in 2 weeks. So you never know. I hope someone comes back with an offer. I hope you have several offers and have to choose. Then I hope there's a bidding war on How To Date A Nerd. I can so easily see it happening for you, Cassie. Your talent is that obvious. You should be proud. So take it easy on yourself.

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  37. Don't say that - I have been living vicariously through you!

    I keep seeing How to Date a Nerd in all sorts of contests and the agents are fighting over partial and full requests from you. I sigh with envy and wish I could be JUST like you.

    The offer of representation is just around the corner for you :)

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  38. All of it is terrible. From writing the query to form rejections to getting rejected on a full.

    It all sucks.

    But you only need one. Keep telling yourself that.

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  39. I know just how you feel. I have to talk myself out of the excitement every time I get a request cuz I want to be prepared for the let down... and always happens. Nothing worse than being on cloud nine then getting that rejection that feels like a kick in the gut. Oy.
    To me, the form rejections on fulls are the worst, but what gets me as well, is that the ms must've been so irrepairable the agent didnt even ask for revisions. I mean, that' sbad. It's like within the entire ms, not one single glimmer of hope existed that the agent wanted to take a chance. Ok, now I'm depressed. lol Sorry about that.
    But just know... we're all in the same boat. And I think you and i are especially in the same boat since we just experienced the high of multiple requests from the contest, and then the possibility of multiple rejections. I keep telling myself to remember the big picture.
    Anyway, wishing you lots of luck that this time around will be your time! :)

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  40. I know just how you feel. I have to talk myself out of the excitement every time I get a request cuz I want to be prepared for the let down... and always happens. Nothing worse than being on cloud nine then getting that rejection that feels like a kick in the gut. Oy.
    To me, the form rejections on fulls are the worst, but what gets me as well, is that the ms must've been so irrepairable the agent didnt even ask for revisions. I mean, that' sbad. It's like within the entire ms, not one single glimmer of hope existed that the agent wanted to take a chance. Ok, now I'm depressed. lol Sorry about that.
    But just know... we're all in the same boat. And I think you and i are especially in the same boat since we just experienced the high of multiple requests from the contest, and then the possibility of multiple rejections. I keep telling myself to remember the big picture.
    Anyway, wishing you lots of luck that this time around will be your time! :)

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  41. I think you just described the inner life of every querying writer out there (although mine sure swore a lot more). It's such a crap shoot, I'm sorry to say. The important thing is to keep going!

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