Wednesday, March 7, 2012
I'm a Freakin' Hypocrite
Well, here's the thing, I told myself when I first started querying, if I only got one request... just ONE, I'd be happy and satisfied with what I'm doing as a writer. That one request would be all it would take to make me believe in myself.
Holy crap, what a load of poo.
I queried two books with nothing but rejections. When I heard people complaining about how their FULL was rejected, or how they've gotten a few partial requests, but nothing came of it, I wanted to smack them through the computer. Because, ya, they've gotten one, and I hadn't.
Since I have split personalities anyway, let's just make this scenario between Form Cassie and Request Cassie:
Form Cassie says to this post she sees about someone who's gotten a request, and still freaking out about everything:
What the heck is wrong with you? At least you've gotten a request. I've sent out 25 queries and got nothing but forms. And you know what they keep telling me? That I'm doing something wrong. Something! What is the something???
At least you know you don't suck.
Request Cassie says this:
Oh gosh, is this what I'm in for? Waiting for months for a form reject on my FULL? Yikes! And you're saying the agent may not even make it all the way through the full? Why did I send it then? Why did they want it?
Crap, should I read through my book again to make sure it's up to par?
Scenario: Email from an agent
Form Cassie: Here we go. Do I even want to click on it? I know what it's gonna say. Dear Author, blah blah blah. But what if it doesn't? What if it finally says, Lemmie See! And oh my gosh, I'll finally be able to number myself among all those people who get requests! And I'll be happy from here on out!
Request Cassie says: Yikes, that was really fast. I just sent them the book like three days ago. That means they must hate it. Well, the reject was what I was expecting anyway. May as well see...
Oh, they are just letting me know they got it. That was nice of them. But they say it's gonna take at least 6 weeks. I guess that's not long.
But it kinda is. What the heck do I do for 6 weeks while I wait?
Scenario: Someone I know gets a request.
Form Cassie: Yay! But, what are they doing that I'm not?
Request Cassie: Yay! I sure hope they are prepared to wait forever and a day. Oh, and go absolutely nuts.
I guess my point is, I'm pretty disappointed in my Request Cassie self. I promised that one request would be enough to make me believe in myself. But here I am, waiting around for what I'm pretty sure will be a rejection.
Why do I feel this way? Well, I don't want to set myself up. Get excited and jittery over something that may not happen.
Gosh, insecure days really makes the word vomit spew. Do I need to get anyone a napkin?