Day 16... is that right?: Porta Potties (Funny thing, and it wasn't intentional, I'll be posting about Pee at my group blog today. In case you don't get enough bathroom humor from this post.)
Rate on the scary scale from 1-10: 100000000000000000 (YIKES!!!)
WARNING: This is pretty embarrassing for me. Potty mishaps usually are. Please don't think less of yours truly if you wish to continue.
What's the worst kind of bathroom?? The porta potty. And yes, I've had to use these horrific things before.
There's this thing called Trek (for those of you who live in Utah and are LDS, you probably know what I'm talking about.) but for those of you that don't, it's this mock version of the Pioneers traveling through the desert with handcarts. Now, it's a boy/girl weeklong campout thingy, and since it's pretty much desolate where you go hiking, there's nowhere to piss that's private.
So they provide the porta potties. All lined up on the back of a truck.
I was 16 years old, and I tried to prepare for this trip by eating a ton of cheese. I mean, cheese is a butt cork, right? This was my logic.
I did not know that campout food (Shepherd's pie, Chili, Beef Stew... basically anything that can be made in a dutch oven, not to mention all the apples they kept handing out) would pop that cork like a fizzling bottle of Champagne.
Boy/girl hike, and I had the runs. (Yes, girls have this problem too.)
Okay, porta potties are the opposite of soundproof. I mean the WAY opposite of soundproof. They are the fart enhancers. Even the SBD's would be heard in these things.
Then there's the space they give you to do your business. My knees were holding the door shut. I swear the boy's butts were probably pressed against the door while they peed. This makes wiping, um... difficult, especially since leaning forward you'd smack your face on the door.
As if you need another horror story from yours truly, but here it goes. One of my million trips to the dump truck (haha! punny), a few of my 'buddies' thought they'd be real funny and try to scare the poo out of me.
|My So-called Buddies.|
Okay, it's embarrassing enough that I had the camping poops, but I know they all heard my not so silent business in there. Then I have to leave the john while they're all laughing so they can poke fun, and well, digested food doesn't smell like roses. When I stepped out, totally red-faced and rushing them off the truck before they inhaled, I noticed THE GUY I'd been flirting with the entire campout. Ya, the flirting stopped immediately after that.
All this combined with the fact I was terrified of the thing tipping off the back of the truck while I was in there and suffocating me in crap, made porta potties my absolute number one fear. I spent way too much time in them on that trip, and never ever ever ever again. I will pee on the side of the road before I enter one of these.